On Sex & Self

The more I get exposed to the apparently not-so-hidden recesses of this world, the more I realize how normalized sex before marriage has become.

I confess: I came to a point recently where I felt compelled to join the bandwagon for fear of being left behind or left out. Most people have been doing it or some form of advanced foreplay already, and there is actually more stigma now when you remain a virgin versus if you’ve had sexual experience. I thought it’s not that big of a deal anymore and not being able to experience the joys of it is worse than being left out and not doing it after marriage.

As I continued to delve into these not-so-hidden recesses, however, and as these thoughts became more normal to me, I realized something: In a world where the most intimate act between two people is no longer given much value aside from the pleasure it provides… In a world where women are so easily bedded, and sometimes forgotten after… In a world where not having sex before marriage is considered an anomaly… It is actually quite refreshing to be the odd one out.

I know, I may lose prospective partners because I am more firm now more than ever to have sex only with someone who truly values me. God knows that has happened. And for sure, it will be really difficult if God still does not will to give even just a good partner in the near future given all the stories, stimuli, and people available in the world we live in now. But in a world where this intimate act can be done by anyone, I am ok to stand out, because standing out means standing firm on my principles – not because of any religious thing but because it’s a very intimate thing that I realize is best to share only with someone who values me and sees my value in his life enough to commit to me and build a life together. I am ok to stand out, because, despite the now stigma hounding those not engaging in sex before marriage, I am standing up for myself. I know this decision makes me different from the majority of the population who are ok with it. I know this decision may make people think I’m too stuck up or whatever else they say about someone who doesn’t go with the flow. It may make some people leave me or laugh at me or berate me. But that’s ok. I’m good already knowing who I am, and nobody else is worth undermining that person for. I have my own flow, and those whose flow jives with mine are those I will be traveling with in this life journey. Some may have a different flow, and that’s ok, and it’s also ok for me not to force myself to flow with them. I have gone down that route of getting confused and going against who I am in the desire to be more attractive, to belong better, or be more desired, and it’s not worth it. Lastly, I am ok to stand out, even though I know this decision may turn off some prospective partners because then it is easier to see who actually has potential and who is not for me.

Ultimately, the thing is this, whichever we choose to do: We don’t need to force ourselves on people who are not in line with who we are. Forcing only leads to a mismatch, which actually leads to heartache, trauma, or unhappiness after some time. You must be true to yourself always and protect who you are fiercely, only then will you find those that are truly for you… and when you find those who truly fit the real you, it’s gonna be wonderful.