We always find ourselves asking “Will He really push through for us?” We often find ourselves doubting, “Is He really who the Book says He is?” or “Is the Book really real?”
I should know. I have asked those questions a hundred times, possibly. And truth be told, I’m still asking some of them now. It is as if the self cannot accept the reality of His being… especially when one’s reality is not too rosy. I have questioned Him during tough times even as I stretched out my hand with the hope of salvation. I have rejected His story even as I grasped at His promises. I have questioned Him during my trials, and have promptly forgotten Him once I have overcome.
I have turned a blind eye to what I have been doing. And when I couldn’t pretend being senseless anymore, I justified my actions, giving reason after reason that centered solely on one thing: my feelings. Now though, I think it is time to stop the petty games and start facing the reality that, on this aspect, I have been a hypocrite.
The Lord has delivered me time and time again. He has taken care of me, kept me alive and well, for as long as I have breath. He has manifested himself in so many – from the breath that fills my lungs to the kindness of another.
True, I have suffered some in this journey, but I am aware these challenges were necessary to help me become the person I need to be to fulfill my purpose here. True, the future is uncertain. God doesn’t seem to speak in fantastical booming ways anymore as He did to His people before. And yes, there are still questions in my mind concerning His word. But you know, there is one thing I am going to cease questioning already: His ability to push through for us.
Because whatever questions and doubt may fill my mind, I need to stop being a hypocrite and open my eyes to the reality that despite my shortcomings and distrust, He has delivered me countless times. He has pushed through for me even during the times I was too self-absorbed to notice. And He has continued to let His sun shine down on me each and every day. No matter how bleak I or my surroundings become, He still continued to take care of me through different agents. And that, I acknowledge now with full clarity. It is time to stop being a bitch and instead be a little more appreciative of the One who loves me.
No more masks, no more denials.